Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
