Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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