and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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