I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
