I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you never un-have a 4some
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
