So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
