I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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