My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
