So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
