thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
