Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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