so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
