looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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