I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
