Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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