At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
