i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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