do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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