I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
