I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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