Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I forget how to act sober
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
