I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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