Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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