Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
