she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
