Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think people are normalizing furries
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
