I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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