Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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