I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
