sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
