Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
