I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
