On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
