New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
