you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
