What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize