ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Duck Duck Cougar?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
