When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
