Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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