She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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