I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
