I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize