I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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