Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
