just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
