I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize