Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
