i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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