so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
