i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
