i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
