See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
