I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
