u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
