Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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