Nicole vs. Life
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize