It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
