he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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