That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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