Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
