Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
