erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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