Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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