I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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