I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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