I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
