i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
