if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
