Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
